Alice.

Wednesday March 12, 2003

Some things just hit you. Princess Mononoke is one, the above song (the one I am currently listening to) is another. When I was younger, much younger, I had an imaginary friend. I still do, but I suppose this is different. One day, I was absolutely positive, was the day she died. I asked my mother if I could cry.

Now I'm having similar emotions. Ever since we moved into our new house, life has been rough. Parents constantly on my back about even the simplest things, and I find I resent them for this. I have to admit, I havn't been the most cooperative of children... but this takes the cake. Living so far away from friends (though you may argue that the invention of the telephone solves this, I disagree) and so far from the things I used to do hurts.

All I can really say to those who have tried to cheer me up along the way is, thank you. You know who you are. May shadow never cross your path, as it has mine.

Here's a checklist I recently found, which seems to explain my situation rather well. I have all of these.

• A persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood.
• Sleeping too little or sleeping too much.
• Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased appetite and weight gain.
• Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed.
• Restlessness or irritability.
• Persistent physical symptoms that don't respond to treatment (such as headaches, chronic pain, or constipation and other digestive disorders)
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions.
• Fatigue or loss of energy.
• Feeling guilty, hopeless or worthless.
• Thoughts of death or suicide.

So, Friday I'm going to be heading back to the doctor to see the result of my blood tests (to make sure it isn't something mundane and easily fixable,) then hopefully I'll get some wonderful happy drugs.

— Alice